Wondering…

“Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”
― Elizabeth Stone

I have read this quote before and thought about how true it was. However, it speaks to me on a whole different level now. I have two children somewhere that I have never seen. I don’t know anything about them and yet they are my heart. When someone asks me about my children I want to include them but sometimes it is to complicated to explain it at the time. As I wait I often sit and wonder, like I did when my bio children were growing in my womb. What will they look like? What will their personalities be? How will their laugh sound and what will they love? But now I also wonder if they are safe, if they are hungry, if they are feeling loved and how our journeys will join. It is an excitement tempered with the sadness of loss that will always be a part of our story together. So, I have learned to let that wondering lead to praying to the Father who can see them even now. I pray for our children, their first families and for their caretakers. I rest in knowing that God loves them even more than I do and that He is working even when I can’t see it.

Sing to God, sing in praise of his name,
    extol him who rides on the clouds;
    rejoice before him—his name is the Lord.
 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
    is God in his holy dwelling.
 God sets the lonely in families. Psalm 68:4-6a

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